Life on the Borderline

         Hey there.  First off, thanks for reading this. Whether I know you personally or not, I appreciate you taking the time to read about my life and struggles, it means a lot to me. Before I jump into taking about BPD, I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm a 30 year old woman from the suburbs of a major metropolitan city. I have two kids, ages 7 and 5, and I live with my significant other. I'm in the process of a long, complicated divorce and it has stressed me out in ways I can't even begin to tell you. In addition to mental health, I also deal with type 1 diabetes and other autoimmune-related issues on a daily basis. I've been a type 1 diabetic since I was 7, so I'm going on my 24th "diaversary" this year. My hobbies/talents are all things that are arts-related- I am a dancer (who is currently "on leave" because of a back injury), I love to sketch and paint, I enjoy knitting and I play the flute and piccolo. I also love to read and, as evidenced by this blog, to write. I have my degree in psychology and liberal studies (a hybrid of history, literature, oolitical science and art), and we all know how "career applicable" degrees in the arts are. I am currently a stay at home mom as well as a consultant for an independent sales company, but before that I worked in healthcare as a technician/administrative assistant until my most recent position was cut. Next to my kids and my significan other, who I will refer to as "BooBoo", my cats are the loves of my life. We have three adult cats- Shiloh (3), Crooky (2) and Kayla (1)- who are all Feline Leukemia Virus positive. We also have a kitten, Charcoal (10 weeks) who we found living under our porch when she was 4 weeks old, her mother having disappeared. ((Don't tell the other cats, but Charcoal is my favorite...)). I also had two cats, Bucky (10) and Salem (almost 2) who live with my ex-husband and my kids. I don't see them, but I still consider them my kitties.

  One of the things that has affected virtually every aspect of my young adult/adult life is Borderline Personality Disorder. People who don't have the disorder themselves, live with someone who has it, or work in the mental health profession, usually don't have much knowledge regarding personality disorders. There are many misconceptions about personality disorders out there, as well as a heavy stigma. Certain mental illnesses, such as personality disorders, bipolar disorders and schizophrenia, tend to carry a heavier stigma than the more talked about disorders such as depression, anxiety or ADHD. I hope through this blog (as I do in my offline life) to be able dispell some of those myths and lift some of the stigma of personality disorders. That's not to say that BPD and other personality disorders aren't serious. On the contrary, they are very serious and complicate the lives of everyone interacting with them on a more than superficial level. There are many treament options however, and great breakthroughs can be made when people with BPD learn to regulate their emotions, communicate with friends and family about their needs, and understand their triggers and how to cope with situations.

  Personality Disorders are, by definition, a set of maldaptive personality traits. These traits are traits that we all have and emotions that we all experience- anger, sadness, joy, pride, jealousy or fear- but in someone with borderline personality disorder, they are amplified. The person with B.P.D. has trouble regulating these emotions. Many people, in fact, will read the diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder and say "I have that!" based on the description, because we all do, to some extent, exhibit those traits. It only becomes a personality disorder, however, when it severely effects your ability to live your life, communicate, hold down a job or maintain relationships. The DSM-IV defines BPD as " pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts." While most people might feel free to express anger in an outward, dramatic fashion at home or with family, the person with BPD will (unwillingly and without realization) have these outbursts in public settings, or at work. Not everyone with BPD fits every one of the diagnostic criteria, but you must display 5 out of the 9 on a pathological level.

 No one knows for sure what really causes a personality disorder, but it is likely a combination of different factors, both genetic and environmental. Borderline Personality Disorder seems to manifest almost exclusively in people who have a past history of abuse or trauma in their childhood. As a result, Borderlines don't learn how to properly handle stress, disappointment or fear and in many ways revert back to the way a child would handle negative emotions. I would go so far as to say BPD is a form of post-traumatic stress disorder which manifests itself as an inability to regulate emotions, difficulty in communicating your needs, unawareness of how to maintain healthy and stable relationships or cope with stressful situations in a safe and productive manner.

 I won't go into discussing all of the criteria in this installment, I will go through those indvidiually in the subsequent blog entries, but I wanted to give you a general idea of what a personality disorder is, and how serious they are. Next time, I'll begin to talk about criteria number 1: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Peace,
Lauren